ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
