Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
