i was born a porn star she said
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
nutella sex= disaster
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
