I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
