dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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