sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
