my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
