There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
