hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
