thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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