So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
