and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
