Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
