we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
