I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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