my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
