im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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