Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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