Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You made out with two different species that night
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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