Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
as a side note pls kill me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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