i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
