sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
