she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
