I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
