Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
