I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
