I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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