hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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