i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
