I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
tell me about the eggs
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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