i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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