You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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