There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
