at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
