***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Are my feet made of real feet?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
