I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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