My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
