i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
i now understand why vodka
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
