So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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