Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
