youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
