At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's never too late to be topless.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
