Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
