Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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