yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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