Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
