OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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