i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
