I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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