if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
