i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize