I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
