like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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