I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
