oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
