We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have feelings that need drinking.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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