We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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