hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
