ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
