I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
