I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
