Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
