Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
