if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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