yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
