Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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