if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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