Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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