dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I smell like Dick and happiness
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
