I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
