He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
